For the longest time I wanted to be wanted.
I wanted to be seen, recognised, acknowledged, and validated.
I wanted all of this to happen without me needing to do anything.
Without me needing to go and get it, I just wanted it to happen.
Whether it be wanted by girls, picked for the sports team, or the funny guy at the party.
I wanted the allure of a movie star without the reality of being one.
I wanted to be wanted and noticed in an effortless kind of way.
And I also wanted to be better than others, or seen as more special or having something that other people didn’t.
This all came from my little boy.
Who’s heart was closed and unwilling to open until he first was shown love.
Who tried to build himself up to be impressive and to be loved for those reasons instead of just being loved for who he is.
The irony is that all of these attempts are based in fear and disconnect from self.
It was like “show me you love me first, and then I’ll open my heart to you.”
Which is so backwards because you can’t receive with a closed heart.
And you need to be willing to go through your wounds of rejection and vulnerability to show/give love first.
To yourself and to others.
The boy grows up, and becomes a man.
Love (and not just intimate love) becomes his primary motivator.
Sharing, instead of trying to get, is the new way of being in the world.
And immediately life is more enjoyable because you are being loving, instead of harbouring the pain of rejection and trying to get love from the world.
Boy or girl, the shift for you here is to open your heart to the pain of rejection you’ve been holding onto.
Feel how rejected you’ve felt in your life, and be committed to becoming the man or woman that you want to BE in this world.
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